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Neuro Linguistic Programming refers to the relationship between neurology, linguistics and observable patterns (programs) of behavior. It studies the structure of how humans think and experience the world. Neuro refers to the basic idea that all behavior stems from our neurological processes of sight, hearing, smell, touch and feeling, taste and smell. Linguistic indicates that we use language to order our thoughts and behavior and to communicate with others. Programming refers to ways we can choose to organize our ideas and actions to produce results.
What is It?
NLP was started in the mid 1970s by John Grinder, a linguist and Richard Bandler, an student of psychology. They became interested in how people influence one another and in the possibility of being able to duplicate or model the behavior of people who are seen as experts in their field. NLP is more a collection of educational tools than any particular theory. We teach people some things about how their brains function and they use this information in order to change. NLP is about what works, not what should work. In other words, "If you don't get the results you want with what you're doing, try something else." Flexibility is the key element - the one who is most likely to do well is the one who responds to changing circumstances.
Applications For Personal Development
NLP is a set of guiding principles and attitudes about real-life behavior. It allows you to change, adopt or eliminate behaviors as you desire and gives you the ability to choose your mental, emotional and physical states of well-being. With NLP, you learn how to grow from every single life experience and so increase your ability to create a better quality of life. NLP is based on an ability to produce your desired results and so allow you to become proficient at creating your future.
Most of early NLP was based on the work of Virginia Satir, a family therapist; Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt therapy; Gregory Bateson, an anthropologist; and Milton Erickson MD, a brilliant therapist best known for hypnosis.
The field of NLP is based on the realization that we create much of our experience by the specific ways that we see, hear and feel things in our mind/body. This is what is usually lumped together and called "thinking". This is how it is possible for one person to feel terrorized by a simple task such as public speaking or asking someone for a date while someone else will feel energized or excited by it.
What's really new in NLP is that now we know how to explore a person's thinking in a precise way that actually allows us to take on that person's skills and abilities. When we really learn how to think about things the way someone else does, we automatically have similar feelings and responses. In problem areas of our lives, this ability to explore our thinking and feelings offers the keys to finding solutions. NLP is oriented towards outcome not problems. It deals with how rather than why. How questions will get you an understanding of the structure of the problem, whereas why questions will likely get you justifications and reasons without changing anything.
Creating A Sanctuary (used for boundary issues)
Relax - go to a place where you feel at peace, calm and relaxed - an actual place or an imagined place - a beach, a lake, mountains, forest, exotic garden - hear the sounds, smell the smells, observe the scenery, taste any tastes…
Look down - see a child playing on the ground, at your feet. Notice that the child is you - bend down to embrace the child - tell him that you're from his future, that you are there for him, that you always were and always will be. You have come to play with him, to protect and take care of him. Tell the child, we are going to play a game.Is it all right with you? Take the child by the hand - together, you are going to build a private place - a sanctuary - a safe place. There is only one condition - no one else is allowed to enter here - only you, no strangers - any number of "yous" can come in - of all ages, or only the present you and the child - it's your choice.
Build -- one wall - other wall - back wall - roof - wall in front of you - oops, no door - cut out a place for the door - put in a door. This can be a large, opulent room with chandeliers and fancy furniture or it can be a very simple room with just a bed and a dresser - you can put posters on the wall, paint it any color you wish. Something else - look, there's no knob on the door, but there is a knob on the outside. Open the door just enough to put your hand out and unscrew the knob. Now, install the knob on the inside of the door. Shut the door. No one can get inside and only you can open the door. Only you have control over your sanctuary. One more thing. There's nowhere to see out. Put a small window, just a few inches big, at your eye level. Put another window lower down at the child's eye level.The only condition here is that no one else is allowed in.
Look through the window, through your hands - put your thumbs together to measure the distance and look through that space. On the horizon, coming towards you, is a person - someone you don't much care about. You watch, the child watches. That person comes towards you, doesn't see you, and you watch that person walk past your sanctuary and move away. Tell the child, "you don't have to acknowledge anyone you don't want to."
Another person is coming along. You don't mind that person. In fact, you sort of like him. You and the child watch that person walk towards you. As the person approaches, you open the door slightly, say "hi" - in acknowledgment, then shut the door and that person goes on his or her way. Again, it's just you, the child and as many others of you of different ages that you want.
Look through the window again, through the space between your thumbs. See another person approaching - one you like very much - one who means a lot to you. In fact you feel close to this person - you have a warm feeling for this person. As this person approaches, you open the door. Even they can't come into your private sanctuary.
You leave the door open as you go out to greet them - you walk out the door, holding the child's hand. You embrace that person or shake hands - "so good to see you". You may even walk a little further away from your sanctuary. When you are finished, the person goes off and you go back to your sanctuary and shut the door. It's your choice -- stay inside and keep the door closed, be by yourself to think or meditate or just to be quiet - or open the door, just a little or wider, or leave it open - as you wish. But, no one enters your sanctuary.
You can now dissemble the room ---- come back to the present --- and remember --- it's YOUR choice whether the door remains open or closed -- to whom you open the door or when to keep it closed.
Use that wherever you go - in all your contacts - picture yourself inside your room with the door closed - or try opening the door a bit if you see someone you like. But ONLY YOU are allowed inside, ONLY YOU can open the door, ONLY YOU have the knob.
-Adapted by Sharon Cass Toole
First, guide patient through the phobia procedure with 3 events from his past that had been unpleasant, but not so extremely traumatic that he had them blanked from his memory. After this, he should be able to think of these unpleasant experiences comfortably.
";Frank, you may have had other experiences in your past that were unpleasant. Some of them were so unpleasant that they have been blocked out of your awareness, to protect you. This process can teach your unconscious a way to protect you even more fully. There is really no need for you to remember these experiences consciously, because we can guide your unconscious mind in re-sorting and recoding those experiences so that at the unconscious level you will no longer be bothered by them. When things happen that shouldn't have happened, it's better to leave those things in the past. Your unconscious will still know what those experiences were, so that you can keep any possible learnings from those experiences and be able to make sure that nothing like that happens to you again. But you can have a sense of comfort when you consider them, even at the unconscious level. And your unconscious can decide if and when it's appropriate for you to know about any of this consciously.";
Recoding past Unpleasant Experiences.
";So, Frank, what I'd like your unconscious mind to do first, is to sort through all your past experiences at the unconscious level and separate the unpleasant experiences from those that were neutral or pleasant. Because we are going to something special with the unpleasant experiences. Your unconsciouscan give you a signal to let you know when it is done sorting. You might hear something on the inside, or see something, to just get a feeling of being finished.
It is actually good if he goes into an altered state to do this. Ask him to nod "yes" and "no" to communicate. When he gives you the "yes" nod, proceed.
";Frank, thank your unconscious mind for sorting those experiences. And now it is time to recode those experiences, so that you can keep any learnings you want to keep from them, but have new feelings associated with them. You know what happened when you recoded the three unpleasant experiences that we worked with using the phobia method a few minutes ago. When you saw yourself at a distance having those experiences, you could feel comfortable watching them, as if they were happening to someone else, or as if you were watching a movie. And they did happen such a long time ago. Consciously, you have experienced this phobia method and unconsciously, too. Now your unconscious can use that same phobia method on all those unpleasant experiences in the past. It's a good thing that your unconscious knows how to do the phobia method, because things happen so much faster at the unconscious level.
";And I don't know how quickly your unconscious mind will thoroughly recode all of your unpleasant past experiences, making them into smaller pictures in which you see yourself at a distance. And you might find that the colour goes out of these memories as well, as they seem to be farther away. At the unconscious level, you can notice how even if these memories are all sequenced in time, so that you can see them all at once, they don't seem very significant anymore, because your unconscious mind now knows how to deal with unpleasant things."
";As you talk, notice patient's signs that he is fully following along. He would show many small muscle movements throughout his body that people typically make when they go through a major internal reorganization. When he is finished, continue,
";And there's one more thing your unconscious can do so that you can completely disconnect yourself from the feelings you had about those experiences. Because any unpleasantness belongs in the memory, not with you. Any remaining unpleasantness that was connected to you, can go into the memory, over there.; "To do this, your unconscious can have all your past experiences from conception to now, lined up in order. And all the unpleasant experiences which you've just recoded can be marked out, perhaps to the side of the others…
"Now you can notice as your entire line of past events floats around behind you. You are here in the present and when you are ready, you can let yourself very quickly go backwards through all of the unpleasant experiences you've ever had, doing the last bit of disconnecting from each of those unpleasant experiences, as each one undoes itself very quickly."
Since this is an unconscious or semi-conscious process, it reorganizes experience very rapidly. In fact, if someone does this step slowly it usually doesn't work. It generally takes about 5 seconds.
Reconnecting with Past Resources.
This next step is to make sure he regains the full benefit of all his pleasant past experiences. Many people who have been abused try to forget their entire past, cutting off pleasant past memories along with the unpleasant ones.
"It's also important to make sure you can fully experience and enjoy all the
pleasant and resourceful experiences you have had in your past. You can begin to notice now, either consciously or unconsciously, all your pleasant past experiences. And it doesn't really matter if a pleasant experience was a day long, a minute long, or a fraction of a second. All of those pleasant experiences are yours and you deserve to keep them with you in a way that you feel connected to them at the unconscious level, whether you consciously remember them or not.
"So when you have sorted out all your pleasant past experiences, you can make sure they are larger, colourful movies, so you that will feel their impact. And you can be in them, fully enjoying the experience of being there. Even when you think of all your pleasant past experiences at once, you can feel solidly connected to each one, as if you are in each experience, because these are your experiences and an important part of the learning from these is to enjoy the powerful feelings of resourcefulness they provide.";
Patient usually glows when they do this - look almost ecstatic as they connect with the pleasant parts of their past is a way that allows them to enjoy and appreciate them more. As well as being enjoyable, this ability to thoroughly feel our pleasant past experiences helps provide a basis for knowing our own self-worth.
"Frank, to enable you to connect even more fully with your past pleasant experiences, once again your unconscious mind can order all your past experiences from conception until now…this time you'll be marking out all your pleasant experiences for special attention, because we're going to do one more thing with them…
"When your pleasant past experiences are all lined up, you can float up and go right back to the moment you were conceived and drop down into your body. when you're ready, you can have the full experience of going very rapidly forward through all those experiences from conception on, connecting with the resources in each experience with your entire body, so that the resourceful feelings sink into every cell. And it can be as if you are gathering resources into yourself, so that as you move forward through each of those resourceful experiences, it remains in you as you move on to the next"…
Recoding the Present.
"You have reorganized your past in a major way. And you can also bring this recoding that you have done with your past, into your present. So that if something unpleasant is happening, it is almost as if it is happening to him, over there, allowing you to feel resourceful in dealing with whatever is happening…And when something pleasant is happening, of course you can enjoy the full feeling of being in the experience."
As he follows my suggestions his head orientation shifts from looking to his left to looking straight ahead, indicating that he has shifted into present experiencing.
Bringing the Learnings into the Future.
"And we all have things we know are going to happen in the future and you can also code the future in a similar way. Even though you don't now know most of what will happen in the future and even though you are doing things to make your life more and more positive, we all will have some pleasant experiences and some not so pleasant. Without knowing exactly what it is, anything unpleasant that might happen can appear smaller, more black-and-white, while your unconscious image of the positive future you are moving towards is more colourful and larger."
At this point, the client's head turns slightly to his right, indicating that he is thinking of the future.
Respecting Personal Ecology.
After completing this process, ask if any part has any objections to what we have just done. Since this is a fairly major recoding of experience, it is important to be alert for any individuals need for adjustment. For example, sometimes people have beliefs about themselves as not being worthy of this change.
Frank, give yourself all the time you need to completely integrate this recoding, making certain that your new coding is fully ecological (appropriate; the relation between you and your environment) for you as a person and your relationships to those around you, because the unconscious mind can always make adjustments to make the new coding work even better and be even more appropriate for you as an individual. Your unconscious mind may choose to further integrate this way of coding your experience in your dreams tonight, allowing you to awaken tomorrow morning feeling refreshed and well-rested. And if your unconscious wants any assistance in any way, it can signal you by giving you a tingle up your spine, or perhaps an image, to let you know."
Hopefully, the next morning, he will feel a sense of well-being and will not need further assistance. He will likely be able to deal with issues more easily when they come up
The Impact
This method neutralized the intense bad feelings that often accompany the actual memories of abuse and makes it possible to take any further steps that may be necessary. When someone has a phobic response to abuse, this method will fully resolve those bad feelings. In addition, it helps the client to reconnect with past resources, which is equally important. They usually feel more resourceful, more centered. They can think about the past without it bothering them. Sometimes people remember past incidents that were so traumatic, that they hadn't been able to remember them before knowing how to "see them at a distance." Even though they were unconscious, these incidents are often the basis for forming limiting beliefs about ourselves and so having them available to deal with, can be very useful. (See Chapt. 4 in Heart of the Mind, Connirae Andreas, for changing limiting beliefs due to trauma).
What makes this method work? When we imagine something big, bright, colourful and close to us, we usually have strong feelings in response to it. This is how we ask the client to recode all of the resourceful experiences, so that they will have full positive feelings for each of them. In contrast, when we imagine something small, farther away, in black-and-white and we see ourselves in the picture as if we are watching ourselves on TV, we don't have the feelings of the experience. Instead, we have the more objective feelings that an observer would have. This is how we recode all the traumatic or unpleasant memories.
Rapidly going backwards through unpleasant experiences washes the color out of the negative experiences. Sometimes those experiences become transparent, fade or ";fall off of" their personal timeline. Rapidly going forward through pleasant experiences usually strengthens those positive experiences and often brings color and intensity back to the memories. People who have been abused as children often have other difficulties such as continuing to be abused as adults. They usually need some help in sorting out how to know whom they can trust in the future. So now, that they can comfortably look at their old memories, they can go back and look for the " warning signs for which to be alert. They need to know what cues to notice in future situations in order to protect themselves - for example, if they were beaten or sexually abused and such. Identifying these warning signs can help someone who has been abused to both be safer and feel safer in the present. In addition to the unpleasant memories themselves, many people also form beliefs about not being worthwhile as a person or suffer from shame. (methods for changing unuseful beliefs, chapts. 3 and 4 and recovery from shame in chapt.14 in Heart of the Mind by Connirae Andreas). Some people who have been abused become abusers themselves as adults. For some, this is the only kind of family behavior they have seen. They may want to learn more loving ways to interact but don't know any alternatives. Becoming an abuser can also be due to an unresolved conflict or ";split" between an internal "abuser" and "abusee". This internal conflict can be healed by using the "resolving inner conflicts" method.
I anchor on shoulder or knee or back of hand, etc. and I tell patient to also use an anchor of their own so that it can be taken away with them. Joining thumb and little finger can be substituted for their anchor of choice.